Crazy Delicious: Monkey Bread!

 

Yes, my friends, this is monkey bread with a little "too much" sugar on that one spot.

IF SUCH A THING EXISTS. 

Much to my shock, everyone does not know what monkey bread is. I'm not sure how this escaped people, but then again as one of those people is my father this brings up a good question - when did I first try this completely delicious sweet treat? Answer? Unknown! I'd insist I ate it as a kid except for the fact that my father seemed unaware to the existence of said treat and, well, I imagine he'd probably know something that I grew up eating.

Maybe Girl Scouts?

Side thought: I should remake a bunch of GS recipes. Not cookies, not yet anyway, but just the things I remember from camp and what not. As someone who ran units for long summers at a time, I think I can bring the vibe back and do it delicious and not-actually-in-that-hell-hole style. (sigh, sometimes I miss that hell hole...)

Well. Where it came from is not the point and the sheer, utter deliciousness is.

It is a pull apart bread, typically involving cinnamon and sugar and butter and biscuit/bread dough. And a lot of butter. I should tell you, this is NOT a low-cal snack. This is a "fuck bathing suit season, I'm hot enough!" sort of snack. And oh god, it's so good, you won't even care that you just consumed an ungodly amount of calories in one go.

Seriously. It'll be just fine.

Now, it is more than worth mentioning that there at multiple ways to do this. Sweet, savory, whichever. The Bristol does a dill and sea salt monkey bread that absolutely killed me. Oh, my lord, do I ever daydream about that dish. So much so, that I will point you to this video from The Bristol's website called Monkey Bread 101. Also, if you are in Chicago and have the means, I suggest you try out The Bristol.

I seriously consider going just for a cocktail and this bread. It would be worth it.

But back to MY culinary success, instead of theirs. It was my roommate Ali's birthday and we often speak of monkey bread in sweet, dreamy tones, so I knew exactly what to make. And make it I did!

To blow someone's mind, you will need...

- two tubes of (non flaky!) biscuits (or, you know, make your own little dough bits. use left overs. be better.)
- one and a half sticks of butter
- two teaspoons vanilla (or more, to taste. you like really vanillay things? flavor that shit UP yo)
- a few tablespoons sugar
- a few tablespoons cinnamon
- a dash nutmeg
- a dash clove (powdered, clearly)
-  one third cup brown sugar

How you will blow their mind....

Preheat the oven to 350F.

Get a bundt pan or a cake pan or a loaf pan or even a muffin tin! Maybe grease it just a tad, but don't worry. The butter will take care of this.

Mix the cinnamon, white sugar, nutmeg, and clove together.

Pop open the biscuits and pull into their individual biscuits. Cut each one into four pieces and shake or roll or whatever-you-like to coat completely, then chuck in the pan you are using.

Melt down the butter and add vanilla and brown sugar, stir until mixed, then pour over delicious biscuits. Put this in the oven for, oh, about a half hour. The bottom will be browned and delicious.

Let cool a bit, turn over onto a plate, and then watch an army of people consume all the food you just made in waaaaaaay too little time to be reasonable. Fight off others so any straggling roommates may have at least a single bite. Feel damn good about yourself. Be pleased that you have more biscuits in the fridge and can do this agian.

Mmmm. Monkey bread. Delicious.

Too much brown sugar/butter/mess-sauce!

Well. Not for a birthday girl.

I ended up with a half-standard size bundt pan worth and then a smaller, single-serving sort of pans worth.

This can be easily adapted, especially once you get the hang of how you like it, to fit any size anything. Also, I'm putting "kids" on here, if only because they would love to pull it apart and eat it. But also, it's pretty okay to do with them...says the ex-Montessori teacher, who gave her kids sharp things.

Whatever, just eat this. Nom!

Cream Cheese Coffee Cake.

Well, for starters, this isn't supposed to be blue. I'm not entirely certain what went wrong in the pictures but I've not quite nailed down my editing techniques and, well....they have sort of a blue tint. I blame the light. And the cold. Oh, Chicago. So very, very cold.

My mom always made this cream cheese coffee cake on Christmas (and other times, but that is neither here nor there) and I've had the recipe for ages but this year really wanted it. It's super easy and super delicious and, best of all, actually pretty cheap. I halved the recipe seeing as how I am not the army of maternal relatives or my younger brother who eats like any boy eats. This is the full recipe.

- two eight-oz packets of cream cheese
- 3/4 cup sugar
- one egg yolk
- one tsp orange juice
- one tsp vanilla
- two packets of crescent rolls

What you want to do is line the bottom of a pan with one of the packets of the rolls. Then, beat together the softened cream cheese, sugar, egg yolk, juice, and vanilla. Spread the mixture over the rolls and then cover with the second packet.

Cook in the oven at 350 degrees for thirty-five minutes, until the top is light brown. If you want, once it is cooled, sprinkle a little bit of powdered sugar over the top. Cut into squares and scarf down. Nom, nom, nom.

Easy Egg Drop - involve the kids!

There aren't pictures of this soup today because I wasn't able to take any - you ever try cooking with pre-schoolers? Trust me, you need more than one person or only one kid if you expect to get pictures of just about anything. Plus, scalding kids with hot soup doesn't go down all that well, even in Monressori enviroments. And as a former educator (hard to believe at twenty-four you are a 'former' anything...), I ought to know.

One of the mothers in my primary class gave me this recipe. It's a very simple, very cheap Chinese egg drop soup that takes practically no time to make. I like to whip it up when I want just a little something warm or if I feel like my pot stickers don't need a full-fledged stir-fry to make it a meal (or when i don't just feast on potstickers, fighting people for my share). Earlier today, I heated up leftover soup and just ate it with some delicious toast.

God, I love toast. I could just write a whole entry about toast. But this is soup time! So. Focus. Soup.

It is, in fact, so simple that if you want to let your kids help you out - you can! You'll want to be keeping a close eye, but kids like helping out. I mean, I don't have any, but I arguably once had upwards of twenty...so...just saying. Here is what you need:

- green onion (or onion. whatever. green onion is the best though and, when i'm onionless, i just shrug and don't bother. god i love this soup, it is so forgiving of poverty), sliced fine
- chicken stock (veg would be fine too)
- sesame oil
- egg(s), lightly beaten
- slivered garlic, though feel free to add whatever veg you like or even omit the garlic. Although why anyone would ever omit garlic from anything is beyond me...

So. You have your chicken stock all nicely hot and boiling, add the garlic or any veg that needs cooked. Salt, pepper, and just a little bit of sesame oil. About a teaspoon or so per cup of broth, depending on how much you love sesame. Slowly pour the egg into the soup, stiring quickly if you want shredded egg, slowly if you don't. Taste and season as you need, then sprinkle some green onion in and enjoy.

Clearly, the favorite thing the kids like to do is stir the egg. It's pretty exciting for them.

I have made this soup so many times that it is by now second nature. And while there are probably loads of other ways to do it, this is what I do.

Buckeyes!

Buckeyes.

The state tree of Ohio, the mascot of Ohio State University, and an utterly delicious (though quite sweet) peanut butter and chocolate dessert-treat.

"Oh, it's like a Reece's Cup," is the inevitable response by the unknowing masses and it takes actual restraint to not shriek in horror - as it is, I still flinch. Because while, yes, the two main ingredients are the same - a buckeye is not at all like a peanut butter cup.

Well, okay, there are similarities. But as anyone from Ohio can tell you, they are not the same. And I spent a summer making them by the dozen to introduce this delicious treat to my friends and co-workers. The picture is the only photo I have from my frantic, extended buckeye sessions.

Now, these are the best buckeyes I have ever had and not just because they are a recipe adapted from one my mother gave me (and no idea where hers came from).

Beth's Delicious Buckeyes

- one cup creamy peanut butter
- six tablespoons softened butter
- two - three cups of powdered sugar
- three tablespoons of cooled coffee
- dipping chocolate

Stir the butter and peanut butter together until well blended, then gradually add powdered sugar. Mix well, until the mixture can hold a ball. Add coffee, mix until creamy (bit still holds a ball shape when rolled in between your palms).
Clearly, now you roll the mixture into balls - about the size of a malted milk ball, though really it is entirely up to you. Place on waxed paper (or foil), then chill in the fridge.

Use a toothpick to dip the chilled peanut butter balls into the melted chocolate, you should leave a small circle at the top undipped, much as in the buckeye nut. Place in fridge for about fifteen minutes and, once the chocolate is hardened, put yourself in a wonderful sugar coma.

* Depending on how creamy you actually like the mixture to be, decrease the amount of powdered sugar. You could also add a flavoring, if you wanted, to the mixture or infuse the chocolate if you wanted to try something new(er).